Coaching Your Child to Thrive
Coaching Your Child to Thrive
As parents, we all want our children to thrive, not just survive. In a world that often feels uncertain or overwhelming, helping our children build resilience is one of the most important things we can do. But what does resilience actually look like in everyday family life? And how can we, as parents, coach our children to bounce back from setbacks, develop confidence, and enjoy healthy relationships?
Here’s a practical, strength-based approach that draws on research and the “Resilience Doughnut” model, a toolkit designed for real families, just like yours. Let’s break down the five key areas you can focus on to help your child truly thrive.
1. Family Cohesion: The Power of Togetherness
At the heart of resilience is a sense of belonging. Family cohesion means your child feels secure, supported, and understood at home. That’s not about being a “perfect” family, but about creating an environment where everyone feels safe to be themselves.
What does strong family cohesion look like?
Sharing what’s important to your family, values, hopes, traditions.
Comfort and agreement at home, Children know where they stand and feel accepted.
Supporting each other, celebrating wins, big or small, and backing each other up during hard times.
Staying positive, even when life throws curveballs.
How can you build this? Make time for regular family chats, ask about each other’s days, and create simple traditions (think Friday night pizza or a Sunday walk). Show up for your child’s interests, and model respectful disagreement, listen, empathise, and find common ground.
2. Personal Competence: Helping Children Believe in Themselves
Personal competence is about more than just “trying hard”, it’s the ability to set realistic goals, celebrate progress, and bounce back from setbacks.
How do you nurture this?
Help your child set achievable goals, breaking big tasks into smaller steps.
Celebrate effort and progress, not just the end result.
Encourage reflection: “What went well? What did you learn?”
Teach problem-solving, let them weigh up options and learn from mistakes.
Model resilience yourself, show how you handle disappointment and keep going.
3. Social Competence: Building Relationship Skills
Strong social skills are a superpower for children. Social competence means making friends, maintaining relationships, and feeling comfortable in social situations.
Ways to foster social competence:
Encourage joining group activities, sports, clubs, or community events.
Teach empathy and active listening (role-play can help!).
Practise social scenarios at home, how to introduce themselves, join a game, or comfort a friend.
Praise positive social interactions—notice when your child includes others or shows kindness.
4. Social Resources: Expanding Your Child’s Support Network
Resilience isn’t built in isolation. Social resources—relationships outside the immediate family—offer extra support when times get tough.
How to strengthen your child’s social resources:
Make time for extended family and friends; nurture those connections.
Encourage teamwork and group problem-solving.
Help your child identify trusted adults—teachers, coaches, neighbours—they can turn to if needed.
Knowing they have a “village” builds your child’s confidence and security.
5. Structured Style: The Importance of Routines and Clarity
Structure might sound boring, but it’s a secret weapon for resilience. Routines and clear expectations make children feel safe and help them manage daily life.
Tips for creating a structured environment:
Set consistent routines for mornings, meals, and bedtimes.
Involve your child in planning and organising family activities.
Explain the reasons behind the rule. Children are more likely to cooperate when they understand the “why.”
Structure isn’t about being rigid, but about providing a framework that gives your child confidence and a sense of control.
Takeaway for Parents
Resilience isn’t about never falling down, it’s about having the support, skills, and confidence to get back up again. Start small: pick one area to focus on this week, whether that’s a new family tradition, helping your child set a goal, or finding ways to connect with extended family.
Remember: you’re already doing a great job. With a bit of intention, you can help your child not just cope, but truly thrive
References:
Worsley, L. (2015). The Resilience Doughnut. Australian eBook Publisher.
Hjemdal, O., Friborg, O., Stiles, T. C., Martinussen, M., & Rosenvinge, J. H. (2006). A New Scale for Adolescent Resilience: Grasping the Central Protective Resources Behind Healthy Development. Measurement and Evaluation in Counseling and Development, 39(2), 84–96. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481756.2006.11909791
